I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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