I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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