Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
