I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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