So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize