My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
