I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
