her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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