Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
