Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
