On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize