my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
