I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
FUCK WHALES
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
