allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I will be naked everywhere
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
there is glitter all over my balls
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