If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
