I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
