She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize