it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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