she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
