This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
