my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Enjoy the penises
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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