everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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