I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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