He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
