My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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