TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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