I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
