There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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