Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
