have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
