another moral hangover. fuck.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
