Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
