he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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