Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just want nice things and good sex
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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