I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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