So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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