It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
