Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
