Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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