Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
