Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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