Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we're so committed to being not committed
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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