one two three fourrrrnication!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize