dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
