final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize