I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
