Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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