Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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