I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
