Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
