Swine flu. Run for my life!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
