Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
