worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize