i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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