Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
