If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
two words...techno handjob
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
