I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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