He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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