i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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