We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize