just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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