I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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