Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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