white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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