You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
