As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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