I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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