He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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