You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
