I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
