Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
