we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My underwear smells like fireworks.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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