I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
