I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
