He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
