This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
me + whiskey = a bad person
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
