I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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