hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
