no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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