you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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