this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
