I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
