I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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