So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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