New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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