I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Never let your siblings swipe right.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
