I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
