ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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