there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
