this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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