Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
