eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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