Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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