You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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