I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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