You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i was born a porn star she said
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
