I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize