Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's always time for handjobs
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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