The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
