Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
