non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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