Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize