It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
