Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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