no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
