Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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