I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
