I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
