Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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