I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
